alice lake

I’m pulled over on the side of the road -
a random road before Hwy 99 that had an easy curb to climb over because I accidentally started driving without shutting my two main storage containers that sit behind my head.

I hear a glass bottle fall , the noise amplified so loudly in this van that I was sure it was broken -

a 750 ml bottle of Titos vodka (the closest thing to 100 proof I could find) to make a very strong very potent tincture of Usnea for a French Canadian I fell in love with named Nico.

He has Lyme’s disease and I will do anything I can to help him heal.

I realized after shutting the appropriate cabinets that I had to pee, and this would be a good spot to do it. 

I shut my blinds , made out of a black and white blanket bought for me from my best friend Wyatt in Sayulita, Mexico just a few months ago, and pull out my portable toilet. 


WOW.

How many lifetimes exist within one life?

As I sit down to relieve myself, my right knee is crammed against my beluga surfboard, my left knee stuff up next to my favorite plant, Rue, and my face is in a trash bag of things that need to be taken out of my van (soonish). It’s tolerable, but probably not for long. 

My view out the window is an abundance of green, waving hello because they know I’m going to go try to identify them with my plant app, PictureThis.  I’m perhaps next to an overflow river bed, or a plot of pavement that has been left too long that the plants took the upper hand and made a spectacular comeback. 

I check my iPhone compass… 

My van is pointed 232 degrees South West. 

——— 

Sun on my skin 

An idea with a veil so thin 

Is this a delusion , Maya ? 

Or is this finally my fresh papaya 

Overlaying layers 

Crafting my sound 

Just give me a glimpse 

And ill turn this whole ship around

Sick of spinning in circles

So here I sit at southwest 

The direction of shadows

Coming out to be their best 

——— 

Shadow work is an interesting thing -
you feel so brave for doing it ,
but it’s the ugliest shit you could ever do.

“I need all my parts,” I remind myself gently.

The good and the bad.
The proud and the disappointed.
The happy and the sad.
The sure and the confused.
The controlled and the chaos.
The light AND the dark.

To hold space for it all,
why else are we here.
A love story with myself
so that I can love those around me
and this world
with even more ferocity.

WOW.

This is feeling closer to HOME than I have ever felt.

<3

xx

em