Whether you call it highly sensitive or empathic, I am the person who has a silly encounter with an angry driver or an upset phone call and it spins me around and around and around. I think about it entirely too much, to the point that I let it consume me. It takes way too much space in my brain and in turn, it sucks dry my energy.
Ultimately, I am terrible at letting things go.
I have a wonderful meet-up once a month with some ladies I admire greatly. They are all inspiring, resilient, and supportive, and is a group that I personally need to feel a little more grounded.
While I was listening to a story that was all too familiar: having a hard time saying NO to some old ways of being and having a hard time LETTING GO… I had a rewind vision. I started to think about all the things that I have let go of and moved on from, and ultimately said NO to in order to say YES. It all compiled in my head in one giant metaphor that I had never thought of before:
In order to let go of something, I need to grab on to something else.
We are human. We are challenging. We are complicated. We are creatures of habit. And yet we are expecting so much of ourselves when it comes to the most intimate, personal parts of our life: our identities, our careers, our persona, our SOUL. There is a reason opening and saying YES is challenging. It requires some of those pieces to be shaken up, it demands questioning of your deepest parts.
I have had to let go of a lot of things that I really wanted. Things that were never right for me, or things that were right for me at some point but then weren’t right for me. Whichever one it might be, it can be really hard and really scary. But. Evolution isn’t much of an option anymore.
Last year I wrote in my fuzzy notebook that my goal in life was “to create every day”. It was to find bliss in that creation, which means creating without expectation, and creating from a place of PLAY. What makes me excited? What makes me feel good? What lights me up?
Without me realizing what was fully happening, I started to understand that all the things I’ve created, while so pure in their individual birth or existence, transformed quickly into creation WITH expectations.
If you are here you already know that I do not talk about things without them being tried and true for me. I walk the walk, I talk the talk, and I learn things by doing them. I have made the choice to re-wire my brain, go deeply inward, and ask the hardest of questions to try to allow for creation WITHOUT expectation yet again.
That is why EMPRESS exists. This monthly publication is packed to the brim of creative energy and mojo: from movement to poetry to audio to article. It is me choosing to allow creation to happen, having no idea what to expect, and in turn letting it change me and in hopes change you in the way it’s supposed to. Just little pokes. Little reminders. Little messages. All to let more light through.
In order for me to let go, I need to hold on to something else.
I am holding on to the belief that there CAN be growth, love, collaboration, and success without expectations on any of my creativity. It’s scary, but it’s right.
Let’s see what happens. 😉